Holy Catch-up Batman!

Lily is a girl who LOVES her dinosaurs, and trucks and other boy toys.  I thought it was funny the other day when I went into her room and found that my tom-boy had been accesorizing her dinosaurs.  Definetly a girl toy now right?

Yeah, so if you haven't noticed, I haven't blogged in FOREVER!  It is because the past month has been sheer madness.  Madness I say!  So this is going to be another HUGE out of control recap blog, which is NEVER quite as fun as "in-the-moment" blogs, but oh-well.  You are reading MY blog, so clearly you must not have very high expectations :)

Ok, so before our "no vacation" TRAGEDY in my last post, we had our Anniversary. It was LOVELY, and Matt brought me home these pretty roses from work that night, which for my husband IS A BIG DEAL.  It was a great night, I had already given him the quilt I made him out of his old high school football T-shirts and the new T-shirts to replace his old ratty ones, plus some books that I got him.  And I had already gotten the MP3 player that he told me he wanted to buy for me and then I picked out. :)  But that night after work we had dinner and I gave him a card and he gave me flowers and we watched our wedding video and it was LOVELY!

I also FINALLY got around to making Isabel's baby quilt, so here are some pictures of my craftiness in the month of OCT.

Since I blogged last we had about a week and a half of total quarentine for Isabel during which I also wasn't feeling well.  My AMAZING friends Sarah and Vanessa dropped off a sweet care package for us which had movies and books and food and treats for us grown ups and coloring books and crayons and toys/games and all kinds of goodies to help us keep Lily entertained.  It was SOOO awesome, and really most of our (especially Lily's) entertainment that week and a half came from that care package.  SO THOUGHTFUL!

Anyway, it took about 2 weeks, but Isabel was fine, so Thanks to everyone for your love and concern for her!  We went to go and house sit for Matt's parents while they were in CA for about 2 weeks and that was GREAT, the girls loved it and so did we!  While we were there we had lots of Pre-Halloween Festivities!

We had a family pumpkin decorating night

And Matt and I went to a "Murder Mystery" Dinner party that our friends Sarah and Jeremy threw, which was SO much fun! (Especially right after being quarentined for 2 weeks!  :)  Thanks guys!  I made Matt and my costumes and it was so fun to be wearing a costume and getting into character, it has been WAY too long.  I REALLY miss the thee-at-ah.

Lily also had a costume party with some of her nursery friends, whe LOVED it and I love watching her as she gets to the age where they start wanting to be social and interact with each other.  SO fun!  It was also great because she got to wear her Halloween costume 3 different times this year.

Then we had a Ward Party/Trunk or treat the night before Halloween.

Then on Halloween I went to Thatcher with the girls since Matt had to work, I couldn't find my camera until the last day I was there, but EVENTUALLY my mom will send me the pictures of Halloween, and all the Grandkids, and of us going to feed the ducks while we were there.  I would say that this is a HINT to my mom to send them  to me, but she doesn't actually read my blog ever so... Anyway, it was also Fall Sing (the choir department's fall program) and EA's Homecoming that weekend, so it was SO fun to be in Thatch.  And Fall Sing was SOOOO good.  I forget sometimes how MUCH I love music!  It was also great to see my Family.  It was my oldest nephew's 9th birthday that weekend also.  And we went to my Grandpa's grave with some of his favorite treats for Dia De Los Muertos, and they finally got his headstone and all the rocks in.  My GG kept the flower arrangment that I made him there and it all looked so pretty!  I should have taken a picture.

Tuesday in Thatcher I had some things planned and was going to go home that night, but I woke up early in the am SICK.  So I slept most of the day and then drove home so I could go to the Dr the next day, where I was told I had the flu and was sent home on quarentine until the following tuesday.  So I am finally starting to not feel like death :)  Which is good. 

Yesterday since I was officially off quarentine I decided to take Lily to her Gymnastics class.  I didn't really feel up to it (I am still just tired and worn out though not really sick ), I normally would have just skipped it, but it is cancelled next week and not having for a few weeks in a row is a long time for a 2 year old.  Anyway, I took lots of pics!

Halfway through gymnastics Lily started coughing a bunch and kept it up the rest of the day and so far today, and now Isabel has a cough too.  I am hoping that it is allergies or something and that they aren't getting sick now that I am finally getting better!  I swear we have had maybe 7-10 days TOTAL this past month where we are all healthy at the same time.  It has been OUT OF CONTROL, and I have been seriously praying and fasting for a healthy family!

Isabel is getting SO big SO fast.  It is hard to believe that she is only 2 month away from her first birthday!  She is pulling up on everything and so proud of herself that she can stand up by herself.  She was SUCH a more mellow baby than Lily was, but I think that she will be a more michievous toddler!

My girls are growing up and loving being sisters more and more, although it is also becoming a little harder to share sometimes!  They have both been REALLY good this past month, especially since we have been cooped up alot.  Here are some random pics from the past month.

I'll be honest, the past month has been EXHAUSTING.  I have definetly been slacking on all of my responsibilities and anything social or fun.  Even taking a shower a couple times a week has been an accomplishment.  Lily has watched WAY too many cartoons, while mommy "rests", and there have been VERY few days where the dishes weren't piled high in the sink, and the laundry in the bedroom.  I feel like I need a couple of days to just sleep round the clock in order to recover from trying to recover.

Luckily I have a wonderful husband and great kids who have been with me every step of the way, and who haven't even complained once about my severe exhaustion this month (they can probably sense that mommy is hanging on by a thread!).  Oh, and we were also supposed to get family pictures done last weekend, but do to sickness they were cancelled, so no Christmas cards for us.  Matt and I have never had family pics done in all our marriage, so we are going to have to reschedule something...sometime...

Anyway, if you read this all GOOD JOB!  I would give you a gold star if I had one!  I have a couple of videos that I wanted to post, but the little film strip icon is no longer on my toolbar and I don't have the energy to figure it out.  Mayber next time, or maybe a reader will be helpful and clue me in!  :)

It's a sad day :(

Seriously.  You should feel sorry for me. 

For the past couple of days I haven't been feeling very well, and Matt has been working (6am-8:30pm).  We were SUPPOSED to leaved today for our California trip, so even though I was feeling like crap, I was still running around trying to get everything ready and done for the trip.  You know the usual shopping and laundry last minute whatever, packing, house cleaning, etc.  Anyway, yesterday Isabel spikes a high fever, I give her meds and like most seasoned parents I hope that it is just teething or some temporary thing, and figure I'll watch it and REALLY hope that she isn't sick.  Because lets face it, it has been 2 years since our last vacation and we are REALLY looking forward to/needing some relaxing time, and we have been planning this and looking forward to it for 6 months.  Not to mention that we have already told Lily that we are going to the Beach and that we will see her cousins there and she is SOOOO excited.  Seriously won't stop talking about it.  Anyway, I hope and pray that she will feel better in the morning.  Matt comes home and I tell him about it, but I still want to get the car all packed up and us all ready to go... being positive... pushing through... needing a vacay.

Izzie wakes up several times in the night, we are piggybacking the Motrin and Tylenol and her fever still gets up to 104.  So we call the Dr as soon as their office opens, they have an opening at 10 so we decide not to make a decision until we talk to the Dr.  We drive down to the Dr (in our car that is packed full of all our vacation gear), still hoping and praying that it is going to be no big deal.  But she tests positive for the flu.  And the Dr says that so far the seasonal flu hasn't been showing up much, and for her age range, factors, etc (she did recently get the regular flu shot), the Dr thinks it is most likely swine flu.  Of course the in-office test doesn't show that, it has to be sent out, but the Doc says she thinks it probably is H1N1 and to keep her quarentined for a week.

So now I am totally worried about my sweet baby who is acting like she is feeling more miserable by the minute (we had already decided not to go on our vacation before the results came back), AND I have a heart broken 2 year old who keeps asking "We go a beach mama?".  All 'n all, it is a pretty depressing day.  Oh yeah, and I still don't feel well.  So we will be staying home trying not to spread our germs around.

I am trying my hardest not to worry too much about Isabel, they gave us a prescription that we have to take to an apocathery so that they can make a suspended compound.  The CDC approved an emergency dosage for kids under one, but it actually hasn't been tested on kids under one (over one was fine) the Dr said that she had given it to 4 other infants and none of them had any reaction to it and were fine...so here's hoping!  But with the serious complications that can result from the swine flu (and the age range with the highest complication/death rate is by far children under 1), we feel like we don't really have a choice, we have to do what we can to try and keep her from getting any sicker.  So anyway, I am trying to just stay positive, and feel glad that we caught it within the first 24 hours of her showing symptoms.

I am also trying not to think of that beautiful house right on the sand of Newport beach.  Or the sound of the ocean.  Am I horrible for being really bummed about the timing of this?

Anyway, when am I EVER going to learn that you NEVER tell your kids that you are doing ANYTHING fun until you are in the car on the way there.  This would be alot easier if Lily wasn't so disappointed.

Anyway, ENOUGH of my little pity party (but really...poor me).  I had a nice anniversay (matt worked and I was feeling sick, but after he came home it was great :), and I would love to post all about it and put up lots of new pics, but for now I just wanted to vent about my morning while the girls are sleeping, so that I can get it off my chest and go take a nap myself.  So off to bed I go.  And I really do already feel better just putting all my bad juju out there, in with the good, out with the bad!

Another Anniversary Post!

I can't believe that another year has already gone by! It is CRAZY! This year instead of writing a big long mushy post like I usually do for Matt, I am simply going to make a slide show of pictures from our years together! I only did 21 Pictures, so as not to overwhelm you. I love you Matt.

oh, and lots of the pictures are out of chronological order, except the last few...sorry about that

Condensed Blog

Hi!  I have about a million things that I could blog about right now.  Seriously.  But I am going to ATTEMPT to make it semi-brief.  I would say brief, but lets be honest.  Have you ever met me?  I am not so good with brief.

Anyway, Sunday before last was our Primary Program (I am the chorister), and our kids were WONDERFUL.  Enough said.  Seriously, they were AMAZING!  Usually when I have been chorister before, the Priesthood bretheren will sit on the stand for the opening/sacrament and then go and sit in the audience to watch when they turn the time over to the Primary.  But not this time, they stayed up there THE WHOLE TIME.  AND because of the placement of where I was sitting/standing to lead the music, they were literally RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.  Like not even 10 feet in front of me, staring right at me, while I am being all goofy and trying to help the kids remember the words and remember to smile, etc.  I don't know why, but having all those adults (our 3 bishopric and 2 stake pres members) made me SO nervous.  I was literally shaking.  But whatever, the kids did GREAT, so who cares if I am a total nerd and 5 guys know it?  They probably already did.  I just felt like I was singing and making cheesy faces RIGHT in their face.  Oh well.  Maybe next year they'll move.  Seriously they could probably smell my breath from there.  Ok, not really, but it felt like it to me.  Alright, sorry about that, I KNOW!  I said BRIEF!  DANG!

Then this past weekend we made the trek to Thatch.  It was SOOOOOO great!  Some of my peeps were performing in a benefit concert for my friend Kameron on Friday night, so we really wanted to be there to support them, and also help $upport the Haban Family.  Anyway, the concert was AWESOME!  Here is a pic that I stole from my friend Jordan's blog.

{Jordan, Cindy, Ryan}

For some reason not included in this picture is Jason Spencer, who is a ROCK GOD.  Yeah.  He is SICK.  It is out of control.  He played guitar and sang, and it was DISCUSTING it was SO freaking good.  I remembered how good he was from like 6 years ago or whatever at EA, but MAN I forgot.  And of course All the other acts were awesome.  My friend Jordan, is still bringing the same spunky attitude to his wonderful performances that just make me smile.  Ryan sang alot of Jazz/bluesy music and you could really see how much he has grown since EA (and he was a ridiculously talented kid even then), he is amazing.  The Acappella choir sang a few songs and it was SO good to hear them sing.  It made me miss Dr Bishop and singing in choir, WAY too much.  Really.  Kinda painful.  But we did all circle up and sing "The Lord Bless You" at the end, which was great.  They also had a little folk group, who were really good.  They suprised me and I was impressed.  Dr Lunt played Bass for the band that backed up the soloists, and some guy I don't know was on drums.  Sorry guy, who ever you are that I can't give you a proper shout out.  But BY FAR (in my opinion :) my friend Cindy (one of my all time BFFs) stole the show.  All of her songs were world class.  I mean honestly, to hear that kind of performance I would have paid the exact same kind of $ that I would for Christina or Kelly or Micheal Bubble or any other performer out there.  Her performance of the song "Gravity" literally brought me to tears.  She gets better everytime I hear her sing, and it just BLOWS MY MIND.  The next day, I spent some time convincing her to get out there.  I looked up audition info for America's got talent and American Idol (who isn't auditioning again until next year).  But seriously she is SO good.  I am making her at least try for some of this stuff.  If I had her talent, you wouldn't be able to shut me up!  I would be that guy from singing in the rain, knocking on door and stopping people in the streets "gotta dance!"  And I know you might be thinking, Jenn your opinion is probably pretty scewed, I mean she is one of your all time BFF's.  But honestly, I have ALOT of talented friends.  That is how I roll.  This concert proved that to me.  Alot of people who are my good friends have been blessed with extraordinary talents.  But if you know me, you know that when it comes to talent and actually saying that somebody "could make it", I am extremely judgmental.  WAY TOO judegmental.  I have a hard time not judging when I see people perform in any compacity.  It is a character flaw of mine and I am working on it (especially because I am not really that talented...but I have a critic's eye :).  Anyway, getting back to brief, Cindy is PHENOMENOL.  End of story.

They next day (Saturday) we went to my nephew Riley(8) and Tanner's(6) football games.  It was SO fun to see them play and to sit with my family and cheer for them.  Tanner plays flag (riley play full padded tackle), and T is AMAZING.  Seriously, he score all 5 of his team's touchdowns, leading them to victory, it was great.  The games were at Safford middleschool that week and that was right by the Salsa Festival that was going on all day Saturday- booths, activities for the kids, music, salsa tasting, jalepeno eating contests, etc.  They had main street in Saf closed down for it.  THAT is why I LOVE small towns, there is always something going on.  Small town community culture.  I love it.  I also went to my sister Ang's new house since it is right in that same area (we walked) and played her Wii to get out of the heat between games (so fun).  I spent the afternoon at my Grandma's with my mom and Izzie working on a sewing project.  It was great.  I miss my grandma, SO much.  Everytime that I am there, I wish that I could just stay with her.  She took care of me so much of my life and I just want to take care of her.  I LOVE HER. Period.

Then that evening Matt and I hung out with Cindy for a while, we walked back to my mom's (another thing I love about small town life!) and I left Matt there to watch a movie while I went to Walmart and bought some flowers to make an arrangement for my Grandpa's grave.  The next morning I met GG(my grandma) there early (like 7am or something) and we cleaned out the few weeds that were there and I put up my flowers and we sat and talked.  It was nice.  I feel like I haven't had enough quiet, alone moments with her.  Then she left and I got to be alone at my Grandpa's grave for the first time since he passed.  Usually someone asks if they can go too, and of course, I say yes.  But it was SO good to be alone there.  I just really felt like I needed to talk to him.  To say everything I have wanted to say to him since he's been gone.  I know that it's a little cliche to sit and talk to a grave, and I know that it is just the resting place for his body and that I could talk to him anywhere, but I really felt his spirit near me.  It was a beautiful experience.  I still miss him everyday.  And I pray for my GG everyday.  I love those people.

Anyway, it was a GREAT weekend.  It did make me miss home so much though.  It is always so great to be there and a little depressing to come home :)

But we are home and back in the busy swing of things!  I CAN'T believe that it is Oct already, we are going to have a CRAZY busy month (really-I probably won't blog again until Nov :), but it is going to be a GREAT month!

Brief.  Right.  I'd better go.

Did you notice how cute my blog is?

"Ummm.....Yeeeeaah" (said in office space tone), if you know me, you probably know that I wouldn't take the time to make my blog cute and fancy.  Nope.  But my friend Katie emailed me this cute header and my cute "JENNERATION" sign in my side bar today after she designed them for me (along with instructions on how to install them and where to get a cuter background).  Yep BIG kudos to Katie.  Thanks Kate you really are too cute! 

Katie and I at a Costume Fine Arts Awards Banquet

Some people might have been offended by such a gesture, but not me.  I find it endearing.  In fact, it tickles me pink and warms my heart!  She belongs to a particular my wonderful group of college girls who I LOVE SO FREAKING MUCH!  And who also have countless times made me their 'makeover project'.  So many times at EA I heard "Jenny, why don't you let me do your hair and makeup before the dance".  Or "Jenny look I got you a new purse to replace that old one!" etc.  You know who you are my sweet girlies!  But honestly, I love it.  It makes me smile and I know that my friends love me.  They are all such cute girls and the fact that they think of me makes me so happy, though I know that all the cuteness will just never mean as much to me as it does to them, they love me anyway.  I love you all 'Thong House' ladies and I wish that I saw you more often!  MISS YOU!

In Logan for Regionals!  Go Hunch!

Swimming in the River Woot Woot!Nothing like ice cream on a snowy day

I THINK this is the night we went to the improve?

Snowflake trip

WHAT? 2 blogs in Sept?!

Impressed? You should be!



Yep, I am blogging again. And actually I am a little surprised myself. :)



Things are going pretty well here. I'll do a little recap, which will be very little before I get into my usual babbling.



Lily had her first day of Gymnastics last week and LOVED it. She only cried once with the bars and lets face it, they are a little scary. They were the scariest to me as a kid too. Of course it is only a VERY short little bar and Miss Katie was holding her the whole time, but she freaked out none the less. But as soon as she was away from the bar, she was fine. She really had a great time and ever since has been practicing her "nastics" and putting her hands up to say "ta-dah" after she does her somersault. Very cute and I am loving it. I love for her to have some interaction with other kids, and she asks everyday if we are going to "nastics today?". I only took one picture at the very end (when I remembered), but I am sure over the next couple months I'll have plenty of opportunities to take more.



Lily is definitely in that 2 years old "kids say the darndest things" phase, and I LOVE it. She is constantly saying things to crack me up. I can't think of all of them and these probably won't sound that funny without hearing her little voice say them but here are a couple examples from this week. We pull up to our community's gate and I roll down the window to punch in our code at the box and Lily, from the back seat says, "I want french fries mama" all excited. She totally thought we were at a drive through! It caught me off guard, and I cracked up. One day I was coming home from the Dr and I walk in the door and she comes running to me with her most excited happy voice and yells "Mama you're home!" runs into my arms, gives a big hug, and in the same happy/excited voice says "I'm pooped!" Hooray! What a welcome home present for me. Why she couldn't have told daddy 2 seconds before I walked in, who knows? But her excitement in me being home to change her was pretty funny.



Izzie is going through the "separation anxiety" stage and if any of us walk out of a room and leave her alone for 2 seconds she freaks out. She always wants us within a couple of feet of her. Not very conducive to getting stuff done, but oh well! She is still just a sweet and good girl and I am so grateful for her!



Matt is still doing great in school, although as we look at school costs for him to finish everything up at ASU over the next year, so that we can apply to Anesthesia school, it is pretty sad. I am definitely happy that we have downgraded all our living expenses, but we have been able to avoid debt (except our car) for our whole marriage and the big fat school loans are intimidating, especially because I know that right afterwards we will be going back to school again and needing way more school loans. Hey Obama, how about instead of pumping $ into everything else, lets forget about healthcare and corporations for a minute and make college more affordable, especially medical based programs of study. Seriously. Its pretty ridiculous. Matt is also doing great at work and I am so proud of what a great nurse he is. He is such a hard worker and good daddy to our girls. He's got a lot on his plate, and sometimes I forget what a good man he really is.



As far as I go things are going well. I was released last week from my activities calling (I guess a little blog complaining goes a long way!). It was good. Although I really did love that calling and I WILL miss it. As the bishop said "I had a love/hate relationship with that calling". The girl they replaced me with will do awesome, so that makes it easier to let go. The primary kids sang in church yesterday and did great. I love being able to work in the primary and help those kids learn about music. Our program is next week and I am anxious and nervous and excited etc. I'll let you know how it goes!



I've got a couple of appointments this week, that should go well. The one specialist that things are still unresolved with I don't have an appointment for 2 more weeks. Which is a BUMMER because she has me on this medicine as a temporary fix until we can find a better method of treatment and it is a pain! It makes me SUPER tired and I am not allowed to run at all or do any medium intensity exercise. It is really frustrating and I just can't wait to get everything figured out and get off this stupid med so that I can start running/working out! It has been my goal to do a 5k, and they have one here at Thanksgiving that I was planning on doing, but I am going to need some serious work to get my stamina up after these dumb pills. I am not sure when I will be able to be off them, but I feel really frustrated. We are going to stay in Newport Beach for 5 days in Oct and that means a swimsuit and long days on the beach, so the no exercise thing has had me pretty stressed out, so 2 weeks ago I decided I would go on a crash diet. I have done really well at sticking to it, but it has been really hard. Seriously, it should be so hard. I am seeing the scale go down, which is great, but I definitely feel like I am losing muscle, which is a bummer. Anyway, the first week I lost like 6.5 pounds which was awesome, and this second week it has slowed to a pound every 2-3 days. Which is still great. I can't really "see" a difference in my body yet, but my clothes are starting to fit a little better and the scale is going down so that is good. I am in the mid 130's and I hope to be in the 120's in Oct and hopefully by then we will get me off these meds and I can start running and exercising again! I still don't think I'll ever get back to my HS/college 115 but low to mid 120s would be good for me I think. Anyway, yes, that was a lot of rambling. If you are still reading good for you!

The rains came down

And the floods came up!

At least that is how it feels sometimes.

Things have, as seems to be par for the course lately, been crazy. Between Matt being in school, working, serving in YM, and me doing my church calling which have been extra time consuming the past couple of weeks, going to Dr appointments and being a mom, there seems to have been just a lot, of out of the ordinary "extra stuff" thrown on our plate.

I have decided that the reason I have two church callings this summer (in addition to VTing 4 ladies) is that the Lord knew that I was REALLY going to need extra blessings this summer. Seriously. This summer has been emotionally, physically and spiritually exhausting. My faith and personal testimony have not been tested and/or harder for me to sustain than this, in a long time. Probably since before I got married, when I was deciding whether or not to come back to church I think. But I am holding strong and clinging to the things that have brought me so much joy and happiness. I tend to be one of those people who when things are going well in my life, I have no problem reading my scriptures everyday and praying, being grateful for what I have and trying to keep the spirit near. But when times get rough my heart hardens and in order to cope with emotional stress I just "shut down" and push through the hard times. I've been like that since I was a kid, and I think that it is the only way I have survived some things. I am grateful for the ability I have to become an emotional robot, but it does not lend itself well to feeling the soft feelings of the spirit. I guess that when I am feeling the spirit and going throughout these experiences, I become so humble (ok that sounds wrong, but don't take it that way) and vulnerable that even though the spirit comforts and strengthens me, tears are only a breath away, and it is really hard for me to exist in such an emotional state. It is easier for me to turn off, but doesn't do much for my spirituality. My BFF Heather who I have known all my life, gave me a framed saying for my B-day a few years back that I always keep up, it says "Prayer" as the big background and it front it says "when life gets too hard to stand, kneel", she gave it to me because of my tendency to turn my spiritual side off and not turn to the Lord in my times of need. And I keep it up in an attempt to remind myself to be humble. Anyway, I have gone back and forth the past couple of months between being a robot who is just trying to survive and really feeling the Lord's love and support (and thus being a total basket case...most of the time).

This past weekend we had our ward campout. It went well. It was actually alot of stress with some "behind the scenes" drama, but it all worked out and it seemed like people had a good time. Our bishopric and stake presidency were AWESOME participators in our events on Saturday. Things ran smoothly and honestly I am just glad that it is over.

The same day as our campout we drove to Sierra Vista for my friend Kameron's funeral. It made for alot of driving on Friday (over 9 hours), getting up really early (in the fours) and exhaustion, but I am SO glad that I went. I needed to be there for ME. To pay tribute and show my gratitude for the friendship Kam always gave me. My wonderful sis in law Heather (a different heather) offered to take the girls for Friday and keep them until we got home from the campout on Sat, which was wonderful. The driving on Friday would have been too much for them (and us!). So we spent our first night away from the kids (EVER) together in a tent surrounded by members of our ward and physically and emotionally exhausted! :)

I am going to post a tribute to Kam at the end of this post.

So last week I saw the Endocrinologist and she went over some of my numbers and test results, changed some of the doses of the meds I am taking and, what a surprise, ordered more tests! One of them requires some radiation and then a scan, which means that I will not be able to interact with my kids for a day or so, but it is better than the other radiation thing she wanted to do that would mean I couldn't be around my kiddos AT ALL for 10 days. I didn't think I could hack that so we are compromising. Anyway, I am hopeful that I will be able to get all this junk figured out and be feeling better soon :) Tomorrow I am going back to see the Gastroentologist and get a colonoscopy. It is my second one and I feel like it is unnecessary, but what do I know? I am also hoping to only have a few more weeks of physical therapy and I am hoping that after I follow up (again) with my primary care in a week, my number of appointments per week will go down considerably.

I also started a new diet this week, no carbs, no sugar, really restricted calorie intake. We'll see how it goes. I am learning how much I really enjoy eating. I have to keep reminding myself, being skinny feels better that "_____" tastes. But its hard, I aint gonna lie!

Anyway, at a glance this post looks pretty "whiny" and pessimistic. Sorry about that. It is not really true! :) I am actually feeling pretty optimistic. Really tired, I guess that is where the whine comes from, but I really do love my life. I pretty much have the best husband and kids EVER. Things are good and it is abundantly clear to me that this rough patch it temporary, it always seems to come in little bursts of hardship followed by nice long years of peaceful bliss. I am really proud of Matt for being diligent with his online stuff and for doing so well. It makes me SO happy to see him motivated with school. He is the best friend a girl could have. Lily is getting smarter and more well spoken everyday. She is also CONSTANTLY singing songs, and I LOVE it. She starts gymnastics next week and she is almost as excited as I am. Isabel is CRAWLING all over the place. I officially have to keep the bathroom door shut. It is out of control! She'll be 8 months tomorrow and I think it has been the fastest 8 months of my life! She continues to be a joy to be around and I am so grateful for her in our family!

Ok I posted the above picture because it makes me smile, her hair is TOTALLY from "The Saint", when Val K is the character that says "You don't believe in all this cold fusion mumbo jumbo do ya?"

It seems like there was more that I was going to post about, but the starvation (I can't eat today or until after my procedure mid morning tomorrow) is making me lose my focus! So I'll end with my feelings about Kam.

I first started spending time with Kameron in the summer of 2003. At EAC, the number of college kids decreases significantly in the summer time. The singles wards go from 3-4 down to one. Kameron and his house of 6 boys were definitely the largest congregation of boys in one place and that summer his house of roommates and my house spent ALOT of time together. We practically lived with those boys. They were all great guys and Kam was no exception. Kam dated my roommate and BF, so we saw alot of him. Although Kam was dating my roommate he was always exceptionally kind to me and really was just a great, happy, outgoing friend to have. He was the Elders Quorum president and was always visiting everyone and planning super fun activities. In regular life he was also always planning get togethers and making meals to invite us to. One time everyone was going out to a party, when my roommates showed up without me Kam and his roomie asked why I didn't come and my roommates informed them that I had stayed home because I was feeling pretty sick Kam and the other roommate immediately left to make me a "get well" basket, which was a grocery bag full of stuff from their house that they were sure would make me feel better. It even included a spoon to eat the can soup with. There were some practical items and some funny items and they were all labeled with sticky notes. It was great. They brought it over and gave it to me before returning to the get together. It made me feel really special and definitely cheered me up, since I was stuck home sick. The first time that Kam met my mom it was because he volunteered to help me move her furniture. We were all going to a concert at the park and I said that I would be a little late, because I was stopping off at my mom's to help her move some of her heavy office furniture. Kam immediately volunteered himself (and another roommate) to come and help. that is just the kind of guy he was. Always thinking about other people and always wanting to make sure that everyone was having a good time. He was born in Hawaii and definetly always carried with him the laid fun loving back Hawaiian style. I was definitely aware of the fact that he was NOT perfect, but that never affected our friendship. He was probably even MORE aware of the fact that I was not perfect, and that never affected our relationship. During that year at EA, I felt really judged by alot of the guys I spent time with. for the most part I felt like the LDS guys fell into 3 categories

1) guys who judged me because of my inactivity of the church and thus were NOT my friends

2) guys who decided to make me their "missionary project" and were my "friend" solely for that purpose

3) guys who were interested in me and so they wanted to get me active in the church

Kam was an exception to that rule. With Kam I felt like whether or not I was a mormon meant nothing to him. He lived his testimony and shared it because he believed it was true and because living the gospel brought him much peace and happiness. He shared that because he loved it and lived it and it was who he was. But I never felt like he was judging me. I only felt like he was loving me and not pushing anything on me. At a time in my life when I needed it the most Kam was a good example to me. I always felt comfortable around him. He was easy to love and he loved easily. There haven't been that many guys in my life who I have had a natural and easy friendship with, without any stings attached with any other feelings. But Kam was one of those guys. Just being his friend was easy. I will ALWAYS appreciate his example. That summer, was an amazing time in my life and some of the most fun I have ever had. He and his wife Jami (also from EA she came in Jan of '04), were married in 2004, just like Matt and I and their son Kason is only a few weeks older than Lily. When I look at them I see alot of similarities of Matt and myself. Which has made his death even harder for me. Kameron was a good man, who desperately loved his wife and son and who also loved the lord. I have no doubt that he is at peace.

His funeral was the 3rd that I attended in less than 3 months. It has truly been a heartbreaking summer for us. All 3 of our friends and family lost, I feel certain are in a better place and are happy. But I truly feel like the world is worse off without them.