HAPPY BIRTHDAY LILY!!

Today my Lily Bug turns 3 years old.  I REALLY can't believe this!  It has flown by SOOO fast and has been so wonderful.  I love Lily so much.  And this is going to be a big "Lily, you are so special" post that really isn't intended for your entertainment (sorry), it is just for Lily when she gets bigger.  Another Dear Diary post, or in this case Dear Lily.  I have some pictures from the last week and another short blog about it all coming soon, but today is the day I celebrate Lily, so here goes!

I am so happy that Lily is part of our family.  I am not sure what I did to earn the extra special blessing of having her in our family, but I will never thank the Lord enough for her being my first daughter.  She has such a sweet and kind nature, she is incredibly loving and the best big sister and friend to Isabel.  She is full of hugs and kisses and snuggles.  She is smart.  Her ability to memorize things, pick up on new things and speak her mind amazes me.  She is cautious and pretty good at following the rules (for a three year old!) :)

Right now she LOVES to make believe.  We are constantly being told what characters from a movie we are all supposed to be, or what kind of animal she is.  I love to watch her talk and sing to her self and I love to see her include Izzie in her play, dressing her up, handing her toys, even though Izzie is too young and has no clue what is going on.

She loves going to Gymnastics each week at Miss Katie's.  She doesn't really have much natural aptitude for it, but she tries and gets better each week.  She loves it, and it is so nice to see her work hard and get better each week.  She has always been a very cautios little girl and gymnastics is helping her be more comfortable physically.

What I love so much about Lily at this age is that she really is a little person.  Capable of learning and understanding at an alarming rate, expressing herself and doing lots of things for herself (putting on shoes, getting dressed, going potty, etc).  But she is still unspoiled by the world.  She is still sweet and kind and open minded.  I am so scared as she gets older and will be more open to outside influence.  She is such a good (and sensitive) girl, and it is going to be hard for me when she starts caring about what other people think of her or as she has friends that she spends time with, and especially when she starts school.  I never thought I would be, but I have found that I am one of those parents who wishes they could wrap their children in a nice cozy bubble and always watch over them.  Make sure the other kids play nicely and that adults behave kindly and responsibly, I want to be there to counsel her everytime a situation works out negatively for her or everytime her feelings get hurt (which I know I won't be able to) to make sure she doesn't lose her goodness.

I know that it is good for her that in the next couple of year whe will be exposed to lots of new situations and experiences, it just scares me.  Right now it is so easy to make her happy.  I know it won't always be so easy.  I wish that I could just freeze time and savor the moment a little longer.

I love this time, this phase in our life, where our girls are still so young and sweet.  It is flying before my eyes and I am just trying to savor it as much as possible.

I LOVE YOU LILY.  More than I knew it was possible to love.  Thanks you for blessing my life!

I've fallen and I can't get up!

So potty training has been going reasonably well (finally) at my house lately.  We are even leaving the house in big girl panties (instead of pull-ups)! 

So today Lily goes into the bathroom and I hear her yelling "Mama, help me!  Please!  Hurry!  Help me Mama!!"  I can tell that it is her serious/scared voice so I make a mad dash to the bathroom, in the process hurdling the baby gate we use to keep Izzie out, like a true track star. 

ok, it might have been closer to this, but whatever :)

Anyway, I get into the bathroom and what do I find?

Lily had fallen in.  Much worse than this picture actually, she was really stuck in pretty deep (I of course did not make her stay there while I took a picture).  She was completely freaked out and very serious, and said "Help me mommy".  Then, as I approached her, she had a thought and freaked out and said, "But don't flush me mom!", completely seriously, she was really quite concerned that I would just flush her down.  It was pretty funny.

Anyway, it has been a good, but busy week.  Isabel is cutting 4 teeth and is miserable and Lily has been onery.  They are still for the most part good kids, but they sure know how to wear a mom out!  We miss our daddy who is crazy busy and worn out himself.

Here are a couple of pics from this week.

Lily helping me make bread    &    The girls playing (which i LOVE to watch them play together)

Truth-i-ness (and alot of bla bla bla)

If you caught the Steven Colbert referrence in the title, than you just made me love you a little more.

Today I am feeling a little introverted and philosophical.  So are you ready for some random philoso-phizing?

As some of you may or may not know, in college I majored in Theater (since that was my college scholoraship), but also pursued my degree in Psychology.  Now first let me say that I love theater.  It is my passion, and the only constant love affair I have had throughout my life (i haven't known matt all my life so this is no fault of his :).   If I could do nothing but act my whole life I would, it is a deep rooted passion that I will have until the day I die and probably beyond that to be truthful. 

But when I was in college, being of a practical mind, I decided to look for other things/majors/occupations that might captivate me.  For the most part this failed.  Big time.  Oh, I was a good student.  Toot, toot (that was me tooting my own horn), I graduated with honors.  But I didn't really find anything else that I loved even slightly close to the way I did the stage (the story of my life).  But then I took a psych 101 class and loved it, so I took another level of psych and another and another, until I decided to double major and pursue both degrees.  I loved it.  Not the way I love theater, but WAY more than anything else I have ever studied. I find it stimulating and fascinating.

Now I graduated in the Spring of 2004 (wow, almost 6 years ago, holy crap I am old), so it has been a while since I have been in college (at least on a full time basis. I did some choir, etc after I graduated while I was working and putting Matt through school).  But I still love Psychology.  So sometimes I find myself reading studies, looking at statistics, and pulling out an old textbook or two.  One day when matt is done with his anesthetist degree I am planning on going to Grad school, in pursuit of becoming a psycologist.

So that was the "brief" background I decided that I wanted to give before talking about my real point.  I tell you what, I just can NOT tell a short story!  Geez!

I was reading an article about a study that was done on the link between internet usage and depression.  The stats show that there is a positive corelation between internet usage and depression, which means that the more time you spend on-line generally, the more depressed you are.  They are of course now looking into whether internet usage causes depression or whether depressed people are more drawn to lengthy internet usage.  The cause and effect aren't really important to me, it just made me take a look at my life. 

I actually don't really spend very much time a day on-line, but I do play some games on our computer and sometimes bust out the playstation.  I also LOVE to read.  I am a total junkie, and can get lost in a novel for hours.  I will freely admit that I am a victim of stimulating, unproductive entertainment that accomplishes nothing, but is fun in the moment.  I think that a big problem for Americans is that we aren't acutaly living our lives.  Ya know? 

In my Social Psych class I had to write a research paper and my basic thesis was that establishing and accomplishing goals increases self esteem.  And I really believe that the best way to get some self esteem for yourself is to set some goals, work hard and accomplish them.  Don't you feel better about your day (and yourself) if you have a list of things you need to do and you actually DO them?  I know that I do.  I am not talking about just long-term goals, or just daily to do lists, I mean a combination of them both.

Every year at the end of the year, we have a "Jesus Stocking" that hangs with our stockings during Christmas Time.  On Christmas Eve we all write on slips of paper (they are private no one reads anyone else's) goals (like new year's resolutions), ways that we are going to try an improve ourselves throughout the coming year.  We read last year's and then put in the new ones as our gifts to Christ for Christmas.

I clearly won't tell you all the things I wrote down, but some of them had to do with being more productive (and hopefully in return upping my self esteem a little bit). 
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I'll be honest (after all the title of the post is "Truthiness"), since I had Lily my self esteem hasn't been very good. When she was 2 months old I quit my job and we moved away from my friends and family and Matt started work.  It was rough.  I was carrying around a bunch of extra weight, I was tired, lonley and depressed.  All my social identifiers were suddenly gone.  I was no longer working, doing choir or theater, I had no family or friends that I was close with.  I was a stay at home mom with a new (and very difficult baby), and no life outside the walls of my apartment.

Since then things have gotten alot better, and in general, I am happy.  Very happy actually.  But I still have a bit of laziness and am prone to mind numbing entertainment.  I feel wonderful about my family and the love that we have, and I have so much to be grateful for.  But I still struggle with my self image, and the changes in me that have gradually happened that I don't like.  I used to be SO active and overly busy, now I am just tired and worn out.  So this year, I am working on fixing that, from the inside out.  I am going to focus on being a better and more active mom and house wife.  Strive to do more cooking, cleaning and quality family time.  Especially because this year is going to be hard on Matt.  I don't want him to have to do much of anything around here.  I also want to be able to look around and be able to see my daily accomplishments (ie, that is right there are NO dishes in the sink, or everything is picked up, I excersied, made dinner, etc).

And I really believe that accomplishing things and showing myself that I have the ability to be dissatified and decide to change, and accomplish those changes, will make me feel better about myself.  I could crash diet and lose the 15 lbs, but I would still feel lazy and dissatisfied with who I am.  This year I am going to try harder to reach my potential on all  the levels.

What about you?  What are your goals this year? :)

WHAT the February???

January went by SUPER fast ya'll!  It is kind of crazy.  And we are trying to start February off right!  Big things have been happening at our house this week!  Like, Lily FINALLY getting the potty training thing down!  Woohoo!  This deserves it's own paragraph.

Yes, it is true.  She has finally decided to do her business on the potty.  We have been encouraging her in many different ways over the past year to do it, but she has just never really been able to grasp it.  Finally about a week or two ago she started showing signs that she was getting advanced warning and we jumped on it.  Doing the potty treat and a bare bum all day long route.  The past few days she has been awesome and been wearing panties (unless we go out, and then a pull up it is-which she has kept dry!) all day and a diaper to bed. The potty treat has been turned into dessert after dinner if she stays dry all day (none of the rest of us eat dessert, it is just a special treat for her).  Last night we had our first accident melt down, and it was pretty much my fault.  Matt was in the shower getting ready to go to work and I was feeding Izzie her dinner, Lily said she had to go and I just sent her in to go by herself, which she is great at doing, it usually takes her a few extra seconds to figure out the pulling the pants down, but she is great.  I, however wasn't thinking about the fact that she was rushing down from the dinner table urgently and that Daddy had the shower running, which made those few extra seconds crucial.  She was standing right in front of the potty and couldn't get them down and peed everywhere and she was frustrated and horrified, just a crying mess.  I of course felt super bad, cleaned her and the bathroom up and let her have the treat anyway since she tried and was right there at the potty and had told me she needed to go, and I failed to think about what the running water would do for her bladder.  It is always sad when you see your kiddos upset and you could have prevented it!  But even that sadness is progress, a couple of weeks ago she would pee (or even poop) in the pants and think it was no big deal.  SO, we are happy.  Her finally being potty trained is a BIG deal to us.  We still probably have a week to go before she is done with pull-ups while we are out, but I got to tell ya, eliminating one child's diapers is WONDERFUL.

Izzie's big week comes in that SHE is finally starting to show interest in walking.  She has been cruising on furniture for months, but has been refusing to try and walk or to even let you hold her hands and walk her around.  If you take her hands off a piece of furniture and try to help her walk somewhere, or even help her stand up, she would just sit right down.  She has been standing up by herself, not holding on to anything for a while, but if you try to make her do it, she won't have it.  But this week she is finally wanting you to walk around with her and taking a little step or lean to get what she wants, and will let you guide her. I think within a week or two she will be walking on her own. CRAZY.

As for me, starting in Febuary (yeah, i know it's only been a couple of days) I am trying to eat better, ya know, less carbs more fruits and veggies, lean protien, no junk food.  And I am trying to work out.  Sometimes that is hard with kiddos crawling on you.  I have been trying to do it while at least one of them is asleep (they don't really do cross-over naps, much to my chagrin).  Anyway, I have forgotten how GOOD it feels to really work out.  I used to LOVE it.  But then I got so ridiculously out of shape (and I still am), that excersise became a burden rather than a natural high.  I have had a hard time with my motivation since having Lily, but I REALLY want to be healthy and in good shape.  I don't even care about the weight so much any more (though I won't complain if some of it wants to take a leave of absence...did you hear me left over 15 lbs of baby weight? you are free to go any time now).  I mostly just want to be fit again.  Be able to run a couple of miles and have it feel GOOD like it used to, instead of having to stop every half mile to try and remember how to breathe.  I just want to have that energy and stamina that comes with a more healthy lifestyle.  Today I worked out, even though I really, really didn't want to.  I have sore muscles, and Izzie was being a little needy, but I did it anyway and man it felt GOOD.  It suprised me.  The past few days it hasn't felt good, it has just been me trying to have some self discipline and making myself do it and hating it the whole time.  But today was good.  I felt a little bit of that fire come back.  HOPEFULLY it will stay.

I may end up joining a gym.  My good friend Sara is doing the $19/month Pure Fitness thing, and I was seriously considering joining until I found out that they don't include child care with their memberships, they charge 3 bucks an hour and that adds up quick if you are planning on doing an hour 3-5 days a week and have a couple kiddos.  So...sorry Sara, if I get a membership somewhere it won't be there :(  I'm too cheap.Though it would have been really nice to have a workout buddy (and someone else to be accountable to).  When we lived in Chandler we had a family membership to the YMCA, we lived RIGHT by it and Matt got a sweet discount through Chandler Regional Hosp, where he used to work.  I really liked it, so I may check out the Y over here, even though it is a little drive.  Of course, I may suprise myself and be able to do without the membership, it is just so easy to be distracted with sweet kiddos and at the gym you can stick them in child care :) Plus I love me a treadmill.

Anyway, enough with the ranting here are some pics!  Isabel is still into everything and loving to climb on everything, she won't walk but she will be a dare devil and climb?  Yeah, she is a crazy kid.

She is also SUPER into headbands, which she calls "pretty".  I am assuming that she calls them this because whenever we put one on her or lily (or a bow on) we tell them it looks pretty.  She will point and say pretty and want you to put it on her, then after you put it on she will say "pretty" and start nodding her head yes. It is pretty cute. Then she will immediatley take it off and hand it to you to start the whole process over again.  She could spend ALOT of time doing this.  So if you are around her and wearing a headband, beware!  She will take it off you and want you to play this game with her!  She is just starting to try and talk (other than mama and daddy) and she says baby, button [she is also obsessed with finding her and everyone else's button(belly button) so if you're around her, that is another thing to watch out for], bottle, birdy and pretty.  They all kind of sound alike, it takes a trained ear to tell the difference on most of them, but it is so fun to see her grow and learn, this is such a great stage.

The girls are playing ALOT more together all the time and I love to see Lily including Izzie in all her "pretend" playing.  It is alot of fun and always entertaining.

this is Lily trying to make Izzie look at the camera

Matt has another crazy week this week, only getting about 4 hours between 2 of his shifts for sleeping, plus working 3 twelves then having only one day off (which is a sunday so he has to fit in church stuff and all his homework for that week) then working another 3. I feel REALLY bad for him. He is tired, but working hard and doing great about being dedicated to his school work.  I was going to go to Thatcher for 8 days since I am pretty much not seeing him due to schoolwork, but finding subs for my calling (which I LOVE my calling btw) is a HUGE pain, really I could write a whole post based on just this, but I will spare you the details and just say that I decided to cancel.  Which is a bummer, but there is a good week in march where I can go WITH matt and stay for 4 days and not have to miss church, so I will just wait for that.

Anyway, wow.  When I started this post, I was thinking, I don't really have anything major to blog about, I'll just do a little post so I don't get behind.  Silly me.  When will I realize that I have never been short-winded and that every post will be a long one?