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So It's been about 3 weeks since my last blog, but it feels like forever, because there has been so much going on. And to be honest I just haven't felt like blogging. So as most of you probably know I am a pretty private person as far as any kind of personal struggle, I am not usually one for sharing, but I have been having such a hard time that I figured this might be therapeutic. You ready for some honesty and whining? Here it is :) I have been having a pretty rough couple of months. I have been dealing with lots of personal issues that have left me physically and emotionally exhausted. It's been an ongoing battle and I am usually not one to wallow in anything, so it is hard for me not to feel better already! I am doing better than I was a month ago, which is REALLY great, but most days I still feel like I am barely keeping my head above water. There are some days where just getting out of bed and breathing in and out seems insurmountable. Have you ever felt that way? I feel like every time I make progress something drags me back through the mud. I am SUPER grateful however for the peace and love that I feel deep in my soul. I feel like the holy ghost and the power of the priesthood has kept me in decent shape. If I didn't have so much faith in the Savior and so much love for my husband and my girls I don't know how I would get by. I have never been more grateful for my family and for my testimony as I have been lately. I have been trying to stay service oriented and focused on the important things in life and less on myself and my problems, but sometimes I am so exhausted. However, I know that the Lord is blessing me in my efforts and I know that he is aware of me. I am sure that He is hoping that I will learn some patience. I know that He will heal me emotionally and physically from my burdens, I am just not sure how long its gonna take and I am so not good at waiting!!
Anyway, something that I CAN change is my weight! I am realizing how judgemental I used to be, in my mind, of people who struggled with weight now that I am one of those people. It has been hard for me to work out due to said exhaustion and to be honest, depression and low self esteem lately, but I am re-committing myself to work out. I used to love working out and if I didn't do it everyday I couldn't sleep at night. My body loved it, needed it, and it made me feel good. Now I am more out of shape and heavier than I have ever been. Here are my stats, I have decided not to be embarrassed of my weight anymore, this is where I am and I AM going to get better and not feel hopeless about it! I currently weigh 145lbs, I know that I'll probably never get back down to my old under 120 weight, but my goal is to weigh at most 125. I feel like that is a healthy and physically fit range for me to be in. It's hard because back in the day I had friends to work out with and facility access and dance and other activities to keep me physically active and my endurance factor was great, so working out felt good. Now, I don't really have any local friends and I am SO out of shape that working out is actually hard work! So doing it is a factor of me making myself do it with no outside motivation, and having 2 sweet girls constantly interrupting! But I know that it is worth it and I will feel better once I truly commit. That is why I am putting this on here, so that I am officially accountable!
Anyway, enough whining, if you read all that you are a true friend! Now on to the pictures and videos (you know that's the only reason you actually read this :)
Easter Pics, we had a GREAT Easter
Isabel and her adorable cousin Eve, Eve is just 6 weeks younger than Izzie
Egg hunting at Nana's!
Our ward did an Easter picnic which I was in charge of, I didn't get many pictures unfortunately, but we did a pinata (Janeal can you send that pic of Lily hitting the pinata?) and an Easter Egg hunt for the kids and barbecued a LOT of hamburgers and hot dogs. The primary and Young women's helped out alot with this activity and they really saved my life! We have a great ward. This is Brother Brady the counselor over my committee, he did the cooking of the meat (which was SO generous of him). And Lisa made him an awesome durag out of a reusable shopping bag!
As a thank you to brother brady the activities committee made him a personalized grillmaster apron and gave him some sunscreen! While I was at it I decided to make an apron for my sweet husband, since in his words I have been at times "crust-i-licious", and he has put up with it so well. Seriosuly, he really is my BFF and I love him an immeasurable amount. Anyway, here is how it turned out.
My birthday came and went pretty uneventfully. I got to see my sister and my mom, they came down for Andrea's ultrasound which happened to be on my birthday. My sister is currently being a surrogate mother and only has a few weeks left. She is carrying triplets! so my mom drove her down. She is staying here for the next few weeks since she will deliver here in the valley. It was really good to see them and I resolved some of the family issues that have been causing me serious stress. My fam is so crazy and dramatic I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have a normal family! (for example my sister Emily got married in Vegas last month on a whim and it was no big deal at all, something has to be WAY bigger than that to make a wave in my family pool! I literally haven't even talked to my other siblings about it, I am sure that they know and I talk to them at least weekly, it just isn't a big D). Anyway, my mom brought me a gift and my sister got me flowers and my AWESOME visiting teachers Sara and Dianna got me something too! It was a nice day. My mom made me a cake :)
Reading to Lily before bed
I got together with some of my girl friends from college at the end of March for lunch, it was SO good to see them, they are a great bunch!
Lily and Tonya, my friend Kristy's baby playing in the backyard. This is the only pic I have with them both in it, but I am SURE that my great friend Elisa is going to email me with hers soon :)Lily loved Tonya SO much, this is over a month ago and she still asks everyday if Tonya is going to come over and share with her! I feel bad because she doesn't interact with other kids much, but she really loved Tonya!
Izzie's about to fall asleep face
This sweet girl really is my sunshine baby, everybody should have one
Below are a BUNCH of videos, Isabel being her sweet self, playing peek-a-boo with Lily, Easter Egg hunting, and singing songs before bedtime. Sorry to overwhelm you, enjoy!
